Martial Arts

There are several armed and unarmed martial arts native to #maelfroth; this is by no means a complete list of forms and techniques, but should serve as an introduction to some of the more idiosyncratic combat methods found in the channel.

Shark Attack

Climbing the Chandelier

Climbing Delvy

Ceilingdrop

This is currently the main form of greeting practiced by Dirge. He has a habit of shouting “Incoming!” first.

Basic drops

Advanced drops (See ‘Stealth drop’)

Badger-assisted drops

Resplendent Troll Form

An embryonic martial art under development by oxfordgirl and Iasus, the Resplendant Troll Form is practiecd by many and mastered by few. This form is divided into a number of basic techniques, which are practised in series known as wankfests, and a series of more elaborate kata which are practised in groups of between two and twenty Trolls.

6 Feet Under Prana

Floor and Ceiling Inspection Technique.

Trolls easily avoid blame in arguments they seed. The student examines the floor and ceiling of his local area, utilising subtle body language to convey complete ignorance of his surroundings, or on a forum, using confusion and smilies to create an air of innocence. Once mastered, Floor and Ceiling Inspection Technique functions as a perfect social defence in most situations.

Arse and Elbow Differentiation Method

Trolls are seldom confused by obfuscatory or unnecessarily detailed arguments. By harnessing his inner reserves of energy, the student focusses on the matter at hand. He can clearly identify the root of the discussion, regardless of how derailed it has been. So armed, his subsequent attempts to derail the thread are bolstered by his knowledge of where it all started.

“Lunging Wildly at The Pope”

“Derailing the Wanky Thread”

Also known as “Enlisting in Pennington’s Navy“.
No thread is safe from the surreal cannon of Pennington’s Navy. Once they have mastered this kata, students may pool their mental resources in a wankfest of terrifying proportions. Together, the students center their personal energy, and bring it outside themselves, blending it with the energy of their comrades. By their powers combined, they are Pennington’s Navy.

“Faking Transsexuality”

“Motivational Thread Transcendence”

“Mokosh Deflecting Prana”

Trolls are not vulnerable to the deadly ceilingdrop. The student uses a directed wave of irony to reflexively deflect his assailant, even if it was a surprise attack. This kata was developed by Iasus as a protection against being squashed by Dirge’s typical greeting. This kata suffers from one of the four flaws of Your Mum.

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